Heartbreaking

We are home from a visit with Mom at the hospital. Visiting hours are usually busy and tonight was no exception. Several families were visiting their loved ones. J was shuffling from room to room. It breaks our hearts to see him so lost. P was being helped in the bathroom, there was a security guard there to assist because P can become aggressive and might hit his caregivers. V was being fed by her loving daughter who also works at the hospital. Mom was eating her dinner of salisbury steak. She seemed to enjoy it and unlike yesterday she wasn't wearing some of it on her shirt. After dinner she sat and colored in her Hello Kitty coloring book with us. I gave her a head, neck and back massage which always seems to calm her down. She was crying when we left; she wants to go home so badly. Soon Mom, soon. Except it won't be the home you remember. It will be a new home, one with residents who also have memory issues. I hope that she will settle into her new home eventually.

This morning we dropped off some of Mom's things. The residents were having a religious service in the square. As we were leaving, another daughter told us that her mother has lived there for a year and they really like the place. They take good care of her mother, and the caregivers are very gentle and caring. It gives me a little bit of solace to know this.

Getting Ready for the Move

Mom was having her lunch today when we arrived for our visit. Her arm was caught in a blanket and she was in quite a huff. My sister sprang to her rescue and Mom's face just lit up when she saw her. We sat and chatted for an hour and we made sure that the nursing staff was treating her well (they were). Four of the patients had been discharged so it was a smaller group today. Mom now has a whole room to herself. Not sure how long that will last though. We are hoping that she will be discharged on Tuesday. My sister has extended her stay for which I am very grateful. I am going to miss her immensely when she heads back home. We have been busy labeling clothing and packing up belongings. We've bought some additional items for Mom's room to help make it feel more home-like. And we've been filling out tons of paperwork; HIPAA forms and Daily Path forms that explain Mom's likes and dislikes.

A Place for Mom. Finally.

Today we signed the paperwork for a new place for Mom. She will be moving to a lovely facility, close to home, that specializes in memory care. In fact, that's the only thing they do. We have sticker shock after they figured out how much it will cost to care for Mom.

We finally were able to talk to the doctor at the geriatric psych ward. He said Mom definitely has vascular dementia and there is evidence of ischemic events. This was the same doctor that broke the news to me that Mom has dementia (no kidding). Mom was doing much better yesterday when we visited. In fact she was getting sassy. But in a good way though.

We are exhausted after this. It has been a difficult week for all of us, including Mom. Thank you for your prayers and concerns.

New Developments

Yesterday my sister and I checked out two more living options for Mom. One was a traditional nursing home. We were totally freaked out by our experience to say the least. Before our visit I had checked medicare.gov to see if there were any complaints. There were none. After our visit I checked the state health department website, where I work, and found 9 complaints. Several were substantiated. The lesson here is to always check your local or state health department for complaints.

We also visited another memory care facility. This particular facility is one that we had visited last November. We were not impressed back then thus did not consider it. It has since been sold to another company and we made an unannounced visit yesterday. They evaluated Mom this morning and the charge nurse seemed to think it went well. We have yet to hear from the facility though. I checked for complaints and found 3, 1 of which was substantiated. These occurred under the previous owners. If she is accepted I will be on them like a hawk, making sure my mother gets the best care. The one lesson that we have learned is that even the best laid plans can often go astray. We thought we had had all of our ducks in a row and that we would not end up in a desperate situation. We were told over and over that we were being proactive yet somehow we still ended up in a desperate situation.

Last night was our neighborhood ice cream social. My neighbors all wanted to hear how Mom is doing. It turns out that one neighbor is an RN and works for the gerontologists that we have been trying to get Mom into. She took our info and talked to the doctors today and now Mom has an appointment next Tuesday with a highly recommended gerontologist. Our neighbor was appalled by what we have been through. She is totally against medicating dementia patients for behavior. We are quite relieved to have this person on our side. She will be an excellent advocate for us as well as an excellent resource for everything else. We are so lucky.

This morning Mom was agitated and not very hungry. My poor Mommy.

No News Really

Mom is still anxious and having some angry outbursts. I haven't talked to the doctor so I don't know what the results are of the x-rays. I chalk up the anger and anxiety to a change in nurses. Last night when I saw her she seemed to be sedated. Usually her face will light up when she sees me but last night she was so flat emotionally.

They are using a lift to get her out of bed and into her wheelchair. It seems to fit fine in her tiny little room at the hospital. I'm still worried about her being able to go from hospital to memory care. After the whole denial from the last place I'm just gun shy.

My sister will be here tomorrow and together we will get some answers from her doctors. The nurse seemed to think that Mom would be there 'for a while'. I'm not sure what how long 'for a while' is. The social worker had said 12-15 days initially when I talked to her. I guess it all depends on whether they can get her 'under control'. God this is painful. I miss her so much. I want my Mom back with me.

Stronger Every Day

I spoke with Mom's nurse today and she said that Mom is doing much, much better. They have diagnosed her with a UTI and they also want to do some x-rays to determine why she is in pain. She is still anxious and aggressive, verbally, when they try to care for her, but she is a lot more accepting and today the nurse said she even gave her a kiss on the cheek. I'm so relieved that she is receiving good care and that they are getting to the bottom of her issues. I miss her so much though, and her kitty is lost without her. I'm going to see her tonight after work and I can't wait. Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers.