Mom Is Doing OK

Tonight it took two hours to get home. I haven't been to see Mom since Saturday (I took this picture) and I feel guilty about that. I spoke to the hospice nurse today. Mom was agitated today and did not eat more than a few bites of food. I hate that she is going through this. I wish I could do more to comfort her.

Today I am at peace with our decision to move Mom to assisted living. Tomorrow it may be different but today I know that she would not be getting the best care possible, let alone the fact that I couldn't do it, at home.

It is so cold here now and we are supposed to get even more snow overnight. All of this snow and cold is getting really old.

Weather Report

Today was a holiday from work for me. I scheduled a meeting with the hospice nurse at CB at 2PM. Mom is better but she's still not eating very much. They had just lain her down for a nap when I arrived around 1PM. An aide from hospice arrived shortly after me. She bathed Mom and washed her hair. She was so gentle with Mom. Then the nurse arrived. She took Mom's blood pressure, which was good, and checked out some skin sores on her. They have added some new meds including something to help calm her down when she gets agitated. All in all I was quite pleased by what I saw regarding Mom's care. Mom seems better too, though I'm concerned about her not wanting to eat. Later after I got home the hospice social worker called and we talked for awhile. She helped explain the not eating thing and how sometimes with dementia this happens.

It started sleeting around 3PM and has been doing so since.

I'm trying to knit some mittens with some lovely yarn from Annie. I've never knitted with double pointed needles so I'm struggling with this. I would like to use a circular needle, that would make life easier.

Hospice

Today Mom was accepted into a hospice program. She did not want to get up out of bed today, and she did not want to eat. She acknowledged my presence when she awoke and held my hand. Yesterday however she took part in the sing-a-long in the afternoon. The rollercoaster ride continues. I feel so guilty about not spending all of my waking moments with her. I know that I can't do that though. Yesterday I was too worn out to stop over to see her, and now I feel guilty about that. I wish there was a rulebook for this. But there isn't. She seems comfortable. And hospice will help me out now with this decision making process. It's no longer all on my shoulders. I feel numb. I love you Mommy.

Vote!

Tomorrow is election day. I'm looking forward to this election being over.

I am meeting with a hospice tomorrow. They are going to evaluate Mom to see if she is a candidate for their program. I don't know what to think about this. I don't think she is 'near the end of life'. I do want her to have the best care possible. So I don't know what to think.

Last night I stopped by CB after work. They were just getting Mom up for dinner. I was able to feed her all of her dinner plus dessert and she seemed to be doing better than the previous day. I left her watching TV with a group of residents. Tonight she was sleeping when I stopped by. They had not been able to get her to eat much at all. I'm hoping that she is just sleeping off her illness but at this point I'm not sure what to think. She awoke briefly and acknowledged my presence then fell back into a peaceful sleep. I hung around for a little while, kissed her goodnight and told her I love her and left. I had called hospice today, the earliest they can meet with us will be next Friday, a week from today. It was suggested that we try another hospice that works with CB residents so I am waiting to hear from them to set up an appointment.

Tonight I went through Mom's desk and low and behold I found a health care directive in which she clearly and concisely lays out her wishes. Thank you Mom. I also found her plans for her memorial service. Not that I think we'll need these soon, but one never knows.

I love you Mommy. Rest peacefully tonight and get better.

Homeward Bound

Mom is going home to CB today. I think she will be happy about that. A and I conferenced with the Palliative care team today. They have recommended that Mom be evaluated for hospice. We are not sure if Mom's sharp decline is from the UTI or from a progression of her dementia. In either case, it will be helpful to have another resource to help make her comfortable and add some quality to her life. The palliative care doctor believes that Mom is having some problems with swallowing which may or may not be related to her UTI. It's most likely related to her dementia.

How am I with all of this? Shocked, stunned, relieved, worried, sad. I realize that having hospice involved does not mean that the end is imminent. I learned that from watching my dad who lived months after he went into hospice. It has happened so fast with Mom though. She still needs to be evaluated but I think they will find that hospice is appropriate for her. And that makes me sad.