For some reason today was a hard day for me. It's been a little over a year. But the wounds are still fresh and I still don't trust. I can't stand to even see their faces. I know that I am not without blame but I also cannot excuse their behavior and the fact that I have been totally ignored and treated like dirt. I've learned my lesson; don't expect people at work to be your friends. I am all business now and it is basically a job for me, a way to make money for the things that I need in life. I think that today everything just came to a head for me. I know that she doesn't mean it, but Mom makes me feel guilty in the morning when I leave for work and she gets exasperated with me. I know that she is just thinking of a long day of alone-ness that she must face again. But that doesn't make it any easier. I feel guilty about not having enough energy every day to go out for dinner when I all want to do is come home and cuddle with Lily.