The Place

Today I am going to sign the paper work for Mom's room. Unlike the other facility, the marketing person played 'phone tag' with my sister until they finally connected and my sister spoke with this person for nearly 20 minutes. I think she has a better feeling about the new ALF now. The other ALF called me and apologized but reiterated that 'beds for memory care are scarce'. My sister mentioned the whole fiasco to the director of the new facility and she said that that facility has been experiencing some 'shakeups' at the top. I kind of picked up on that.

Meanwhile at home Mom has a new caregiver, Joy. She's a college student. Yesterday she gave Mom a manicure and a pedicure. She has a beautiful coral polish on her finger nails. Joy is a keeper. Once again I marvel at our luck with home health caregivers.

Last night Lily bolted to the window in my room which is in the lower level of our house. This morning both cats were glued to the window so I took a look. A rabbit fell into our egress window well! I've called our homeowners association to see if they could send someone to help get it out. It is so cute but so frightened. Poor thing.

Today I left Mom for a couple hours on her own while I dashed to a caregiver support group. The support group was useful even though only one other caregiver showed up. It really shows me just how much I have learned about ALZ and being a caregiver as I was able to offer this person all sorts of support. Mom had an accident while she was home alone so the days of leaving her alone are over. She was very recalcitrant about clean up too. She was yelling at me. Now she is dozing in her chair, something that is becoming even more commonplace. The caregivers have reported it too. The doctor feels that this is due to progression of the disease. One interesting thing that came up in the support group was that research has shown that many Alz patients have experienced a head injury at some point after age 50 and that this trauma might be tied to the onset on Alz. Mom fell in the garage when she tripped over the cord of some Christmas lights that she had taken off the bushes. She definitely hit her head because it was all bloodied and bruised. I'm just curious if others have LO's who had fallen prior to the onset.

I love the new blog list feature of blogger. It's great! I can see which of my favorite blogs have been updated recently.

It's been a beautiful day today. Mom is doing well for the most part. She had a new afternoon caregiver. When the woman arrived Mom said she knew her and asked her for a kiss. But throughout the afternoon she kept asking the woman if it was time for her to leave yet. Tonight we sat out on the patio and enjoyed the cool breezes and setting sun. Then Mom came in and played the piano for me.

S-N-O-W!!

Today I received a progress report from Mom's physical therapist. It said that Mom is progressing nicely. Several people have mentioned that Mom seems to be walking better. Our house keeper said that Mom was telling her about 'a nice man who can fix my hip' which I take to mean the orthotist who put a lift on her shoe. We are so lucky to be surrounded by good people who help us out. Mom had a good evening and a good day. But then every day with Terri, her caregiver, is a good day. She was all smiles when I arrived home. That makes me happy.

Guess what's in the forecast for tomorrow? You guessed it, that four-letter word SNOW! ICK! If the weather report is correct we could get up to 6 inches between tomorrow afternoon and Friday.

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter! I hope that the Easter bunny was good to you. It doesn't seem like spring here, it's snowing (as usual). Easter was early this year and everyone is wondering why. Easter is based on the first full moon of the spring season.

Here are some new links to helpful sites for caregivers:

http://www.caregivingforcaregivers.com/
http://www.workingcaregiver.blogspot.com/

March 19 - A Pisces

Tomorrow is the fifth anniversary of the beginning of the Iraq War. I didn't understand then why the Bush administration was so gung-ho about this war. I didn't see the Iraqi government as a threat to the US. They were not harboring terrorists. Not back then anyway. I felt that the Iraq war diverted our attention from our true mission which was to defend ourselves from terrorists. It was painful to see my country engaged in this war. Today I still feel the same way. I have a coworker who has friends who are fighting in Iraq. He says that his friends think that citizens in the US have forgotten about the troops who are fighting this war. I haven't forgotten about them. They have given up so much to fight this war and whether I agree with the war or not, I support the troops and I believe that it is our duty to remember the sacrifices that they make everyday for our country. It is also our duty to take care of them and their families when they return home from the war. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to transition from being in a war zone to being back at home with loved ones.

Tomorrow is also my sister's birthday. Happy Birthday Allyson! I love you.

We woke up to snow this morning. It was the heavy, wet kind; the kind they call heart attack snow (since many end up in the hospital with heart attacks while shoveling this snow). Luckily most of it has melted. It was beautiful this morning, stuck to the trees and glistening in the moonlight. But I'm over winter.

Mom had a good day. She spent the day with 2 of her favorite caregivers, Elizabeth and Nicole. She was being helped out of the bathroom by Nicole when I arrived home. She was telling me how much she likes Nicole. That makes me happy. I worry a lot less about Mom when she is with her caregivers. Tomorrow LaShay will be here most of the day. I hope things go well for both of them. The physical therapist is going to bring an orthotist on one of her visits and they will fit Mom for a lift for her shoe. I hope that this helps Mom feel less pain when she walks. Right now Mom and Olivia are cuddling together. Olivia likes to lie on Mom's chest and purr while Mom pets her. It's such a calming thing. Life is good.

BFF

I started reading The Best Friend's Approach to Alzheimer's Care. The first chapter discusses the rights of the person with Alzheimer's. As their loved one's memory fades and the caregiver's role changes the approach that this book takes is that the caregiver becomes the best friend of the person with Alzheimer's disease. Everything should revolve around the person with Alzheimer's but the caregiver should also care for themselves.

Every person diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease or a related disorder deserves the following rights:

- To be informed of one's diagnosis
- To have appropriate, ongoing medical care
- To be productive in work and play for as long as possible
- To be treated like an adult, not like a child
- To have expressed feelings taken seriously
- To be free from psychotropic medications, if possible
- To live in a safe, structured, and predictable environment
- To enjoy meaningful activities that fill each day
- To be outdoors on a regular basis
- To have physical contact, including hugging, caressing, and hand-holding
- To be with individuals who know one's life story, including cultural and religious traditions
- To be cared for by individuals who are well trained in dementia care

A key point to being a Best Friend is that the caregiver becomes a memory aid to the person -- friends know each others' histories. Being reminded of past accomplishments, family connections, personal beliefs and traditions helps tremendously. It gets them involved in their own lives again.

Friends do many things: they share history, they do things together, they communicate, they build self-esteem, they laugh often, they work at the relationship, and they are equals. These carry over as key concepts in the Best Friends model. Bell and Troxel go into some detail about how to handle situations for the full-time caregiver, the volunteer, and for those who visit persons with Alzheimer's in care. Specific situations and general principles are presented in a clear, intelligible manner with great application potential.

Meanwhile back at the ranch...I found that Mom had used chewing gum to stick a picture onto her desk. I had to laugh as I know what her reaction would have been had one of us kids done that. I was patient and didn't raise my voice, I laughed about it in fact. Then I spent some time trying to get the gum unstuck from the desk. Mom helped and felt remorseful even though I told her it was no big deal.

Tomorrow I hope to motivate Mom to leave the house. Wish me luck.

Wednesday - Hump Day!

Today we had our usual Wednesday caregiver. She wanted to give it another try and the person who was supposed to replace her was sick. Things went well she said. Mom had a few tearful moments but otherwise the caregiver calmed her down. For some reason though Mom seems to think she is a man! I'm not sure why that is. This caregiver is very professional and firm. Mom usually likes the caregivers who are more touchy-feely so I wonder if that is what sometimes bothers Mom? Or maybe she is just having typical Alzheimer's moments. One thing I like about this caregiver is that she is somehow able to get Mom to use the toilet. In my book, that's a plus.

Tonight at dinner Mom was very upset; calling herself stupid and asking me what is wrong with her, why can't she remember things? I never know what to say to this so I usually say that she just has a problem with her memory. I purchased a book called The Best Friend's Approach to Alzheimer's Care. It says that a person has the right to know that they have Alzheimer's, even if you don't explain it as Alzheimer's, instead you might say 'memory loss' or 'forgetfulness'. I've heard different ideas on this; some say to tell the person, some say don't. Anyway, the book looks interesting, I can't wait to read it.

We have had spring-like weather these last few days. Today it was sprinkling rain. And our snow is melting. No sign of daffodils except the ones being sold for the American Cancer Society's Daffodil Days. We won't see daffodils in Minnesota until May.

Roots and DST

Today Mom spent 45 minutes with Melissa, the physical therapist. Melissa called me afterward and said things went very well. I also had a note from Alisha which said the same. I asked Mom about it and she seemed to remember parts of it. It's not cheap so I hope it helps Mom. But then she's worth it, right? And we can probably use it as a tax deduction. I'll have to check on that.

Daylight Savings Time has given us dark mornings but on the flip side it was light until nearly 7:30 PM. That's a plus. It keeps Mom from wanting to go to bed right away after dinner and it gives us a little time together.

I found this article on Science Daily about Alzheimer's caregivers. It states that grief is the greatest burden for us. Basically, as we already know, we are grieving the loss of our loved ones on a daily basis as they slip further away from us. So true.

I have located several more distant relatives in my genealogy research. This is alway interesting to me. I dug out some old family photos including one of my great-great grandfather in his Civil War uniform (he fought for the Union). Thought you might all enjoy seeing it. This is John Van Kirk Seeley. I've traced the Seeleys all the back to England in the 1600s. They settled in Connecticut and then moved westward to New York, Ohio and finally Michigan. They were farmers. I love looking at census records and seeing who were their neighbors. My grandparent's generation is all gone so much of this information is lost. Luckily my cousin, dad and uncle gathered an awful lot of information and started to save it. My mom's side of the family is much harder to research because they emigrated from Germany in the late 1800s. I'm just now starting to dig back into German records, which unfortunately are scant and scattered due to the fact that Germany didn't unify until the 1900s. This gives me something to do though so I enjoy it.

Caregiving blah blah blah

The Wednesday caregiver voiced her concerns today about her presence being too stressful for Mom. This happened at the same time that I talked to Mom's case manager so we decided to try to find a new person for Wednesdays for Mom's sake. I feel badly about this, but I think it's for the best. She was a really patient and well-trained caregiver who did a very good job caring for Mom. Thanks everyone for your ideas, support and advice. I so greatly appreciate it!

Caregiver Dilemma

Mom has the same caregiver every week on Wednesday afternoons . Each week I have received a call that Mom is angry at the caregiver, yelling and cursing. This poor caregiver! Mom gets along fine with her other caregivers but this one has only been coming for 3 weeks and each week it's the same thing. Each week after the caregiver leaves Mom says 'She was mad at you for not getting home earlier'. She also says 'I don't like her'. What should I make of this, if anything? As I posted yesterday, she gets along with everyone else. She seems very nice to me and she seemed genuinely concerned about Mom today. She seems to be very professional and competent. To top it off, I'm not always sure that Mom knows she's my mom and I'm her daughter. Most of the time I think she knows, but sometimes I think she's confused. Darn Alzheimer's.

I think Mom's finally comfortable with her caregivers. Today I left for work later than usual because I had a doctor's appointment. Mom told me I could leave, she had her friend with her. Actually, she said it rather snidely, because as she said, I'm never around anyway. OK then. It's good thing. Meanwhile I took the bus to downtown Minneapolis and then transferred to a St. Paul bus. Amazingly it only took an hour to commute.

The kitties have been hanging out together much more lately. Yesterday when I called home Terri told me that they were both in Mom's room; one was on the bed and one was by the window. This is amazing considering that Lily spent the first 18 months after we adopted Olivia in my bedroom. Olivia is trying to be a friend but Lily is still a little hesitant. They play together though. The other day I saw Lily chasing Olivia across the house at a playful gallop.

Mom has a young woman who is her caregiver on Tuesday afternoons. Mom loves her. And she tells her so! I am able to see them interact as Nicole usually stays until 5:30. They seem to have a great time together. Mom was chewing gum because she saw Nicole chewing gum and wanted some, so Nicole gave her a piece. I'm so glad that Mom enjoys her afternoons with Nicole. I'd like to have her come more often but she is a student and has school in the mornings.

The vacancy at the memory care facility is a companion suite which means Mom would be sharing space with someone else. Mom definitely would not go for that, so I will be passing on it. The room has a southern exposure which would be really nice, but I'm going to have enough problems convincing her this is a good move without the burden of losing some of her privacy.

Today Mom had a different caregiver in the afternoon and she was very upset about it at first. But she settled down. And the caregiver seemed to be very understanding about it, stressing that it's the disease. It's got to be especially hard for Mom to have strangers show up at her house and try to tell her to use the bathroom and stuff. This disease is hell.

Tonight we are watching the lunar eclipse. We have top down shades and I pulled the shade down so Mom can see it. She seems to think it's pretty cool, which it is.

Here is another video from youtube. It's Nora the piano playing cat! I love this. This is actually a sequel to a previous video. I love this cat. Enjoy!

One thing that the lawyer suggested that we look into is a geriatric care manager. Today I talked to two different agencies. They can act as an advocate for Mom in all aspects of her care. One agency is called Rent A Daughter. Boy I could have used something like that 3 years ago.

Today, one of the memory care facilities called to say that they will have a vacancy in 30 days. I was very unprepared for this but I still had enough faculties to ask if I could think about it. Then I called my sister. She suggested that I visit the facility to see the suite that is available. This particular facility is approximately 9 miles from my home; it's the one that is the furthest from our home in fact.

Mom's usual caregivers were not available today so we had substitutes. I don't think she was given breakfast and they didn't give her her morning pills. I don't think she had much at all to eat today so I added a note to her care plan about making sure that she has breakfast, lunch and her pills.

I'm finally feeling close to 100% again. The antibiotics must have kicked in. Yay. It's still cold here. I'm so over it. Bring on spring.

After reading about Annie's Stewie and his recent passing, I decided to look up the differences between alpacas and llamas. They are both amazing animals as I learned here. For example, they can live up to and beyond 20 years. They are of the camel family. They are highly intelligent and very friendly. And I think they have pretty cute faces.

The weather change has happened. It's really cold here. We dodged the snowstorm though. It hit south of here, where they had blizzard conditions. It was sunny here today, but bitterly cold, with horrible wind chills.

I met Marie, Mom's afternoon caregiver. She is a sweetheart. Mom seems to really like her too. We are so lucky to have such wonderful caregivers for Mom. Each one has been amazing. I'm really pleased with this new agency. Marie got Mom up to play piano. She was surprised that Mom plays by memory. Mom remembers one song, and she can play it from memory. Two years ago she was still reading music. She was always a very good pianist so I'm not surprised that she can still play. What a weird disease this is.

Today Mom had a new caregiver in the afternoon. At first she was pretty upset so the caregiver called me and I talked to Mom to help calm her down. I guess that worked because when I came home they were laughing and talking and Mom had a huge smile on her face. I guess she really hit it off with this caregiver. That makes me happy. She was almost like her old self.

It's still bitterly cold here. This morning there were rollovers and spin outs all over due to black ice on the roads. We saw a truck on it's side on the bridge over the Mississippi. It is supposed to warm up starting tomorrow. I'm ready.