Mom's memorial service was reverent and full of love. I miss her so much. I think that I've been numb for the last few days and it's really not sunk in that she is gone. I'm scared for when it does eventually sink in. I'm a momma's baby, always have been.
Days before Mom's death I had a feeling that something was up with her. I visited her Tuesday and Wednesday evenings after work. Tuesday night she did not eat but once we got her back to her room and into her bed, we raised her bed and she sat up and drank a glass of juice. I had met with the hospice nurse just prior to seeing Mom, and we had decided to try to lower her dosage of lorazepam (anti-anxiety) to see if Mom might become more engaged. On Wednesday evening I stopped by at dinner time. They had Mom up and sitting at the dining table however she wasn't awake. I tried to get her to eat a few bites of food but she was totally uninterested. We took her back to her room and put her into her bed. I was worried and scared. Thursday morning I awoke with a start and looked at my clock. My alarm did not go off. When my carpool called to see if I was riding, the phone didn't ring; it had somehow been unplugged. I decided to take the day and spend it with Mom and I'm so glad that I did. This was the last day that Mom was awake and able to sort of communicate. She would not take her eyes off me. I fed her ice chips and water from a tooth moistener. She was very interested in the ice chips and water and asked for more. Hospice stopped by, including the social worker and the nurse. The nurse prescribed morphine to keep Mom comfortable. If my phone and alarm had been working I would have missed this time with Mom. But someone had a plan and I am so grateful for this time with my Mom. I kept a vigil near Mom for the next 4 days. My sister arrived on Sunday. It was such a relief to share this vigil with her. The whole time that this was happening I had so many thoughts and emotions running through my mind; one that was everpresent was this feeling that my friend and his wife, who were expecting a baby on the 15th, would have this baby on the day that Mom passed away. Guess what? That baby arrived two days early on the day that Mom passed away. Later my cousin informed us that her brother-in-law and his wife also delivered a baby on this day. Both of these babies were boys. This was reminscent of when my dad passed away. His hospice nurse was expecting a baby which she delivered on the day that he passed away. These events are comforting to me as I know that He has had a hand in this.
My sister and I stayed with Mom from a little after 9AM until a little after midnight. The caregivers felt that Mom had more time and it seemed true; her color was better, her lips were pinker and her hands and feet showed no signs of mottling. We decided to head home for some rest, planning to return early in the morning. We both kissed Mom and told her we love her and then we departed. The carers checked on Mom at 12:30 and she was still with us. When they went back around 1:15 AM she was gone. I'm convinced that Mom waited until we left to depart this world, always the mother protecting her children.
Mom fell out of bed tonight. Again, we had to call for help to get her up. I just ordered a bed rail from Amazon. We both agreed this was a ...