Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Sometimes I get cranky. I'll admit it. It's hard to care for someone who is slowing losing their memories while one holds down a full time job, and manages a household. Is it really someone's fault that they get sick? I've struggled with depression off and on for 10 years. Did I do something to cause this to happen? Maybe. Perhaps I invest too many feelings in my relationships. During this 10 year period my sister experienced major trauma, my dad had terminal cancer, I found my beloved Sammy lying dead at the top of the stairs, 9/11 traumatized me, and I lost my job but got a new one, I moved to a new house and now I'm dealing with a mom who is slowing losing her memory. Suddenly, I'm no longer caring for myself alone. I've lived on my own for nearly 20 years and worried and cared about everyone around me. I knew that my parents time on this earth was finite so I cherished the times we spent together. I miss my siblings and their children, my aunt and uncle and cousins. My family is small and somewhat close knit. But distance has kept us from seeing each other as often as we would like. Yes, sometimes I get cranky.

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