Tonight when I got home from work Mom was convinced that A was visiting. I told her that A had visited a few months ago, but she was not here now. Then during dinner Mom asked me what was wrong with her, why couldn't she remember things? I told her that her memory was failing and that we should probably have a medical evaluation. She was not happy about that, but then who would be? It must be so distressing for her to feel like she is losing her mind. It hurts me to see her go through this. Tonight when I was helping her get ready for bed I told her good night and that I love her. She asked about her other kids and I said that they love her too.

We are due for more snow, up to a foot by Friday if the weather report pans out. I like snow, just not all at once. But if we get it now at least it won't last for months.

An Inconvenient Truth

Watching Al Gore receive an Oscar for his documentary "An Inconvenient Truth" last night made me think about what things would be like if he had become president. Can you imagine a world where the US signed the Kyoto agreement and our priorities were to reverse global warming, to lessen our dependence on fossil fuels, and put our efforts into renewable energy? Would Exxon be experiencing record breaking profits? More than likely we would not be involved in the Iraq war. How would Gore have responded to 9/11? I think America's reputation in the world would not be tarnished (beyond repair). I think we would be a kinder, gentler America. A more respectable America.

It's snowing! We have a winter storm warning through Sunday night. It is snowing pretty hard right now. This morning the snow started out as sleet. We are supposed to get up to 10 inches.

I'm sick of cleaning up shit. Mom has been messing her pants, why I don't know. She eats practically nothing. It gets all over the toilet. her clothes and the floor too. She hates it as much as I do. She gets angry at me and yells at me too. Last Sunday I lost my patience and I yelled at her. I was the one who refused to change diapers when I babysat. Now she's in bed after fussing about her one sock (the one she got shit on) was missing. I think that I need to call the doctor about this diarrhea thing.

Today I made a followup appointment for a mammogram for her. I made the mistake of telling her about it and now she's worried about it. Her mind gets so messed up and she associates the wrong things with the actual problem.

Today she was disoriented when I called her this afternoon. She was wondering where I was and I told her I was at work. She said OK and hung up on me.

My taxes are done and filed. Mom's are ready to be mailed to her CPA. I made eye of round steak for dinner tonight on the Forman grill, and the temperature outside almost hit 50! The forecast for this weekend is snow, of course because it's state tournament time (it's tradition in Minnesota for us to have at least one snowstorm during the various high school state tournaments and this weekend is girls hockey).

The niece is back from OH where she spent the weekend with her boyfriend. It dawned on her upon her return that her house and everything in it smells like smoke. I've been trying to convince her dad to convince her mom to stop smoking in the house but to no avail. I worry about the second hand smoke thing. Besides, our dad died from lung cancer (granted he hadn't smoked in nearly 30 years but still).

Back to work tomorrow. Mom will be upset as usual. Or maybe not. I hope for not.

It's finally warmer here. Today it was in the 20s and by midweek we may see 40. Mom has cabin fever to the max but I don't know where to take her. Yesterday I had her come to Target with me but she didn't want to come in the store.

Remember how upset I was when you finally divulged that you had gotten engaged? I was upset because I knew that, just like before, you were going to put your family on the back burner. And guess what? My prediction came true. Or maybe I'm just too needy. I don't know. But it seems like you feel that way too sometimes. Because I can sense your guilt. I feel like I've put my life on hold to take care of Mom and that no one really cares about that. Not that I really have much of a life anyway. But I resent the fact that everyone else seems to be living life while mine is slipping away from me. Mom doesn't even seem to care. She complains about me not spending every minute of my day with her. She gets upset when I go to work in the morning and every morning I have to remind her that I have to have a job. I can't take it anymore. You, on the other hand, leaned on me during your troubled time, quite heavily in fact. I wanted to do whatever it took to take your pain and hurt away. So much so that it affected my health. But that is what family is for. Now when I need my family the most, it's not here for me. I resent that so much and it makes me so angry. I'm so tired of worrying every day about Mom's health, and Mom's pills and Mom's comfort. I'm tired of making sure she brushes her teeth, takes a bath and keeps herself clean. I love her with all my heart but it's really starting to get to me. She refuses to have someone come in and she refuses to go to the day care. And she piles on the guilt. You could help by making some of these decisions with me. Why is it only me who is making these decisions? She's your Mom too!

For some reason I am really bothered by the meltdown of Britney. I'm not a fan of hers, but as a human being with feelings, I feel sorry for this girl, who has all the money in the world but not one single person who cares enough to stop her downward spiral. She is quite obviously crying out for help but not one person seems to have stepped forward to help her. Where is this girl's family? Why haven't they stepped in and removed her from the spotlight and gotten her some much needed help? Where is her 'good friend' Madonna? This is pathetic and what is even more pathetic is the way the blogs and news are publicizing it like it's a movie drama. This is real life, people! Someone, please help this girl now before it's too late!

Today I met with the counselor in the Alzheimer's study in which I am participating. Our next meeting is going to include Mom. That should be interesting. Mom knows that I am participating in a study for adult children who live with their parents.

Mom's mammogram was abnormal so they have recommended that she have another. Hopefully it's nothing.

The temperature is warming up here finally.

Finally! The thermometer says +18F! But, there is thick ice on my bedroom window. The clouds have rolled in too. It's a trade off; if you want sun, you have to take the cold.

Trog surfaced today and talked to his Mom. I feel for him. He, like me, doesn't really have a life. I wish J would feel better so that she could have a life again and therefore Trog would have a life besides just work. It has got to be so hard for him. But he just keeps plugging away and on the surface at least seems to be OK with things.

Today we watched "The Illusionist". It was really good and very well filmed.

What a weird week it has been news-wise. First, we had the astronaut who attempted to off a romantic rival after driving 900 miles in a diaper. Then we have the media circus surrounding the death of Anna Nicole Smith.

The weather forecast for tomorrow says it's going to be a high of 21 F. Amazing! Today when I went to get the mail it was cold and the wind was blowing. Ick.

Mom has been with it this week. Yesterday she received a card from the neighbors in A and she remembered that they had also sent one last fall. Tomorrow we are going to pick up a card for her to send to them. It has been cold in the house and Mom has been extra cold lately. I ordered a new jacket for her from Landsend and it came yesterday. It fits pretty well, but is a little tight around the abdomen. I think we are going to keep it though.

Trog's family had a bat in their house. That is concerning since bats carry rabies and can bite you in your sleep without you knowing it. They will need to correct that situation!

It's still cold here. And on Tuesday it snowed. Yet, we are still way below our average accumulation for winter. We've had 12 inches and we average 55 inches in a winter.

Mom has been pretty lucid for the last few days. Today she received a card from her neighbors in A and she remembered that she had received one from them last fall. That's amazing. She has a bad case of cabin fever so I hope that it warms up soon so I can get her out of the house. I just read that loneliness can be tied to Alzheimer's.

I love this picture of Lily. She looks so cozy and cuddly. She is such a great kitty.

It's really freakin' cold here, this morning it was -13 F when I got up at 7:30 AM. But, on a positive note, the sun is out and it is so bright and glorious. This is the kind of weather that drives the riff raff out of Minnesota. We haven't had it this cold in quite a few years. Yet, life goes on. Outdoor activities continue and those of us who don't participate, stay home and bundle up. Why do people stay here? The quality of life is above and beyond practically anywhere else in the country.

Cymbalta seems to be much more energizing for me. I'm not constantly fatigued and my achiness seems to be better.