Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Vacancy Dilemma

One of the memory care facilities called today. They have a private suite available. I tried to avoid calling them back for as long as possible. I finally did call them back and left a message. I will set up a time to visit and see the suite this weekend. I'm back on the see-saw; do I move Mom to a facility or do I keep her at home for a while longer? Will she receive more stimulation in a memory care setting or would she benefit from staying at home? Am I being selfish keeping her with me at home or am I being selfish moving her? She is on a plateau now, and that makes it harder to decide what to do. Throw in the fact that she is going to HATE this and you can understand my trepidation. Dilemmas.

Mom and I have been watching Dancing With The Stars. Mom loves any program with dancing, singing or comedy. She likes to comment on the men; and she tells me that she didn't know men 'did that' (danced). And then she comments on the fact that her husband never liked dancing. For those who didn't know my dad, he was a man's man through and through. And very opinionated. But he loved his kids and his family. I miss him.


~Betsy said...

My mom and I enjoyed watching Dancing With The Stars, too. Her comments were usually something like, "How can they dance in those shoes? I'd break my neck!" Mom rarely wore heels!

As for moving your mom, I wish I had solid advice to offer. I know the thought ran through my head a great deal, but I always worried how the move would impact her. But - and this is a very big but - those 23 months REALLY took their toll on me. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I can see it now that my journey is over.

What's so hard for you is that you are on your own with your mom. I really admire what you are doing and would certainly understand if you move her.

My advice, for what it's worth, is to view the suite and think it through. Only you will know when the time is right and only you will know if the facility is acceptable. Follow your gut and instincts. If it feels right, you'll know it.

((hugs)) Robyn. Keep us posted.

Cinnamin said...

Robyn, Oh how I wish that there were rules or directions written out for all of the times that we have questions about life's choices. My only advise is to go with your heart on this one. There will (sadly) be other openings at the facility. OR this may be THE right place for your Mom to be cared for. What a hard decision. I moved in with my Mom to care for her. They had worked with people in rest homes and continually made my promise to never place them in a home. So, basically, my choice was already made.

nancy said...

betsy and cinny have said what i would have said. i agree, go with your heart and gut. we will all support you whatever you decide.

russ and i too use to watch dancing. brings back bittersweet memories. thinking of you and holding you in my prayers. you are a wonderful daughter!

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