I'm Wearing Purple Before I'm Old

I visited with Mom yesterday for nearly 3 hours. She was eating a slice of lemon meringue pie when I arrived. I was told that she ate a majority of her lunch. She was nervous off and on all afternoon. She would look at me and tear up and reach out her arms for a hug. We shared lots of hugs yesterday. She started crying when I got up to leave. Everyone tells me, "I went through that when I would drop my kid off at daycare" but leaving your kid at daycare is a growth experience for you and your kid. Leaving Mom at CB is the opposite of that. It's growing down. It's a sad experience for me because Mom isn't 'growing up or learning new skills'. I keep thinking that she feels abandoned and I hope that feeling doesn't persist for her. I hope that it's gone very soon after I walk out the door and that she only feels that when she sees me and it reminds her of something she no longer has. God I hate this disease so much. It's the worst to watch someone you love slip slowly away from you. Even so, I'm grateful for the precious time that I can still spend with her. And I know that no matter what the future may hold, at that moment in time she's my Mom and we love each other.