It's after midnight and Mom just screamed down "Is anyone here?" while banging her cane on the floor. She was cranky and went back to bed but seems to be restless now. Meanwhile, the stupid neurology clinic called this afternoon with a cancellation tomorrow, did we want it? I called them back unbeknownst to Mom and requested that they call me with such things at work but no, I have to have an signed act of congress to get them to do that. So tomorrow I need to fax them something that says they need to call my cell phone for appointment reminders, etc. Sometimes HIPAA really sucks.
The thing I miss most about my Mom is the fact that I've lost my last confidante. Before her it was Dad and I lost him too. Soon there will be no one. I worry about what it will be like when Mom is gone and I am alone. In many ways she is already gone to me as she doesn't really offer advice or support anymore and I can no longer tell her everything. Keeping things from Mom is one of the hardest things that I have ever done. But it's a necessity in many ways. Now I need to grow some armor to shield myself from her anger and tantrums when I have to force things upon her. That too is hard.