Thursday, August 14, 2008

We've never used the 'A' word around Mom. She doesn't know that she has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. At this point, I'm not sure that she would even grasp what that means. She just knows that she's no longer independent. She can't understand why she's incontinent. In the beginning she fought not being able to drive her car. I hid the keys during the day when I was at work. She would get angry, so very angry, at me about this. And it was so hard to disappoint my Mom (as a child it was the last thing I ever wanted to do). But it had to be done. The woman who could navigate better than anyone else I knew suddenly was getting lost and disoriented. Then we sold the car and she rarely asks about it now. One battle in the war that is Alzheimer's and the enemy was defeated. We also haven't told Mom that she is going to be moving to assisted living soon. The experts tell me that it is best not to do so. My sister has a friend who has volunteered to come out and help us take this difficult step. She's done this before. Neither of us is looking forward to this step. We know it's going to be painful for all involved. How can it not be? So on the appointed day we will somehow get things moved to Mom's new room, and then we will move Mom there. How we will do it is unknown. The facility should coach us. Once there, Mom will complain, express anger as only she can and basically just pitch a fit. Or maybe she will surprise us and accept her fate. My aunt let it slip to Mom that she is moving but luckily Mom didn't grasp what was said; she remains oblivious. Auntie was so upset, she thought she had blown it for sure. That's the thing about Alzheimer's; it's like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get on any given day or in any given moment even. Mercurial doesn't even explain it.

5 comments:

Esther said...

Hi Relera,

I think I told Abe I was taking him to a new place where there would be nurses and caregivers to help us. He got right in the car and didn't look back.

He didn't want to stay at first, wanted to go home with me but somehow we both came to "understand" that we were on a new journey.

You'll do fine, and your mom might even feel she's less pressured than with family.

Good luck,

Esther

rilera said...

Thanks for the support Esther. I appreciate hearing from someone who's been there.

cornbread hell said...

it's always so different for everyone at first, but in time everyone settles in.

hang in there. you're doing the right thing and you know it.

Annie said...

Oh Robyn, I can't even imagine. Well, I guess I could. I'm rooting for you!

~Betsy said...

For what it's worth, Robyn, I really feel like you are doing the right thing. Love and hugs, friend.