Sunday, January 14, 2007

Mom was really squirrelly today. We went to the mall, because she complained yesterday about always being stuck in the house (though we did in fact get out). First, we were checking out cosmetics and there were some people talking a foreign language (they were actually quite rude, interrupting the clerk who was helping me) and Mom told them to speak English. Then she sat and waited for me by the piano. She said she'd like to stay and listen, but she hadn't brought her glasses (what?). Tonight, she said that she something about thinking she was just at our house for dinner and she expected to go home to her house. Then we got into a conversation about this being where she lives now and she couldn't remember that. The director of the day center thinks she needs another evaluation so I'm going to talk to her this week to find out what she means. This so much more than everyone thought I think. Even though I try not to think about the future, I worry. I wonder how long I will be able to take care of her at home, and if she does have to move to a facility, will I be able to afford to continue to live here. Maybe we should have moved back east to be with A. I dunno. I'm slowly making my way through the various stages of grief and I think I'm past anger, fear and am now at acceptance. Mom is so contrary; she wants to get out of the house and when she does, she complains and wants to be back home. Yesterday afternoon she was very agitated and wanted to get out of the house, so we did and then she wanted to be home. She has trouble getting in and out of the car (though she has discovered an alternate way to do so, she plants her butt in the seat and swings her legs in and this seems to work pretty well. She wants to go to bed sometimes as early as 6:00 pm, and she gets up really early or sometimes several times in a night. I try to remind her to brush her teeth but then she accuses me a treating her like a baby. This is really hard. I think she might be depressed too.

Anyway, it's snowing tonight and we have a winter storm warning going on. Glad tomorrow is a holiday and that I don't have to go to work.

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