Friday, January 26, 2007

My patience is wearing thin.

Today I met with the counselor as part of the adult children caregiver for parents with dementia study. She brought up the fact that even though I have siblings I don't seem to get much support from them. Oh, I get some emotional support from A but D has not seen his mother in seven years. When I mentioned the issues that he has with his family she replied that there are still telephones and mail. He could call his mom once in a while. In a very short time she might not remember who he is. Which brought me to thinking, was our childhood so awful for him? Were our parents so sucky that now he wants nothing to do with his family? That is a question that my therapist asked too. Why has he chosen to remove himself from the family circle? I know that his lack of involvement really pissed off Dad. Dad was pretty close to his mother, I'm not sure how he felt about his father, I was too young to really observe that relationship before Grandpa died. One thing that I have noticed about families in Minnesota is that they are really close and they try to spend as much time as possible together. Not true in my family. And yes, I know we are separated by miles but we used to spend time together as a family, for holidays. I think that's one of the things that I miss most; it seems that since Dad died everyone is less likely to make the effort to get together. It's a two way street, I know, but it's pretty difficult to travel with Mom. Heck, today we just went to lunch and to get her mammogram and she had an accident. I feel so bad for her. I helped her clean up but I get so gaggy from it that I end up throwing up and that bothers her. I wish I could control the gagging. Back to the counselor; she seems to think that if Mom is not ready for the day center then she shouldn't be pushed into doing things she uncomfortable with. I've felt that way all along, but I've been told that maybe she isn't capable of making the best decisions for herself anymore. But how can I ignore her desires and feelings? She's losing bits and pieces of her independence and dignity every day, it's not right to force her to do something she obviously doesn't feel ready for. The counselor feels that finding someone to be with Mom one on one is a good idea, like I've said all along. So now the hunt begins to find someone to introduce to Mom and get her to accept.

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