Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Things Can Only Get Better, Right?

I'm having one of those days where I wonder if it's all worth it. I hate reporting to my supervisor and my manager; neither one speaks to me and I'm feeling completely blackballed at work. Why? Because I suffered a debilitating bout of major clinical depression and anxiety (a lovely combination...not!) a few years ago and I not only didn't care about work but every day was a struggle to keep going. At the time my life was fine, but the chemicals in my brain were way out of whack and this caused my depression. They continue to hold this against me. Isn't that totally absurd? Before I had a purpose in my life which was to take care of Mom and this really didn't matter. Even though I thank God every day that Mom is just 3 miles away, I miss her so much it hurts. I'm grateful too for the caring and gentle women who care for her every day at CB. But I'm worried about her money which has been dwindling away with this stupid Wall Street mess. I worry about how she is adjusting to her new home and if she is happy there. My worst fear is that she is miserable and confused about how she ended up there. I just want to throw in the towel and yell uncle. I keep waiting for life to get better but it only seems to get worse.

5 comments:

Annie said...

Look at the photo you posted. That is not a woman who is miserable and confused. You still have a purpose, you are still caring for your Mom, it just isn't a constant hands-on caring. Your visits are a very important part of her care.

I'm sorry about your troubles at work with your supervisors.

~Betsy said...

Sounds like your supervisors need a class on dealing with employees. Employees have problems sometimes. They get help and overcome them. Shame on the supervisors who can't let that go.

I agree with Annie about your mom. She doesn't look miserable and you are still a critical part of her care. It's just hard to make adjustments sometimes. Give yourself time to readjust and settle into a new routine with your new caregiver responsibilities. Hang tough, Robyn.

Lily said...

Think how tired and low you are at the moment, are you the best person to look after your mum right now? Think how the quality of her life has changed for the better since she arrived at her new home - helping her to get there was the best care you could have given her! You need some time to recover from a very stressful period in your life and your employers should be ashamed of themselves not to support you through this. Don't they subscribe to a diversity policy that covers sensitivity to mental health issues? Are you in a union? Do you have any holiday you can take? Lol, bet you weren't expecting the Spanish Inquisition! Hope you feel better soon x x

Lily said...

It occurs to me that you might need some help from your doctor right now, I'm certainly glad I shared how I was feeling with mine. Please make an appointment soon x

J said...

Fighting depression is something no one can understand unless they have to deal with it also.
(((Robin)))
Your mom looks as if she is doing fine but I know it's hard for you to turn her over to others. Hang in there. There's a lot of us here so don't feel alone.