Saturday, June 23, 2007

Mom has finally given up her lifetime membership in the clean plate club. It took dementia to do it. Our problem with diarrhea is temporarily gone; now the stool sticks to the front of the toilet bowl and doesn't go down when flushed. This morning I gave Mom her shower and washed her hair then we dried it. I was hoping this would be a task that the home aides could do but it was not to be. They didn't even help with trying to figure out where grab bars could go to help Mom in and out of the shower. I don't think I'll be calling them back. I've been thinking about this whole home aide situation and Mom's resistance to their care. How open would each of us be to some stranger giving us a shower? I think Mom is troubled by having them in the house especially since someone with dementia can't remember who people are or why they are in the house. I think she is worried about them stealing things (she said so when the house cleaner was here). Why does everyone think that is so weird? And aren't these aides supposedly trained in how to deal with someone with dementia?

Everyone is so worried about me getting help for Mom to help take the burden off of me, yet every time I try I'm thwarted. I'm really starting to get frustrated and angry with this. I now know what it's like to have a kid and I can see why I never had any of those. I need to stand up to Mom and make her do some of these things I guess. I'd really like to get her into the day program so I will concentrate on that now.

I think that is why I sleep late on my days off. It's my way of avoiding the reality of Mom's dementia and the exhaustion that accompanies it. At first I thought the Cymbalta was helping me to fee like getting up, but it's not. I still want to avoid getting up for as long as possible. I just want to delay the inevitable.

Mom wants to go outside again. She'll sit out there for a few minutes then want to come back in. Then she'll go outside again and want to come back in in a few minutes. It's exhausting for me because she wants me to go with her. I can't get anything done around the house because she wants me to be with her.

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