Thursday, October 11, 2007

I hate this disease. It is stealing my Mom's dignity and independence. Tonight she is so squirrelly. Maybe it's the weather change like Annie says. I don't know. I just know that her mother's bracelet that I made for her broke and this seems to make her really confused. She keeps pointing at her wrist and wondering where her bracelet is. I remind her that it broke and we need to go to the bead store to get a new clasp. We'll do that first thing tomorrow. She always seems to get really upset whenever something happens to her bracelet. I think because all 3 kids names are on it it equates to losing her kids when something happens to it.

Today I was feeling down, thinking about my parents and the fact that both of them have had to suffer through hell in the final years of their lives. Dad was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer only 2 years after he retired. He did not deal well with this news, who would? He passed away before his 67th birthday. He and I were the 'gruesome twosome'. Now I'm watching my mom slip away. My dear mother. I've always been a mama's girl. My parents protected me from pain when I was younger, but they can't protect me from the pain of watching them slip away. I just want my mom back the way she was. I know this is selfish and impossible. And I want my dad to protect me and make everything better.

It's still cold here. From 90s to 40s in one week is just too much of a temperature change.

3 comments:

nancy said...

when russ' watch strap broke he would rub his wrist constantly as he looked at it. i'm not sure he remembered what was wrong just that something was different.

it has always amazed me what our LO's remember.

it too is drastically colder than a week ago. try to stay warm!!!

flintysooner said...

Your dad was so young. "Gruesome twosome" reminds me a little of my daughter and me because we both like to read the murder mysteries.

That's interesting on the bracelet. Hope you can get it fixed for her.

Thinking about you today. You're doing a wonderful thing for your mom.

~Betsy said...

I'm sorry you're feeling down, Robyn. I understand. The disease has its way of putting me into a real funk, too, and everything feels overwhelming at that point. Hang in there.