Monday, December 31, 2007

I'm discouraged by a conversation with my supervisor today. I had been working from home 1-2 days per month on days when Mom or I had doctor's appointments or other things going on. My supervisor put the kibosh on that today. I had gone in to meet with her to discuss strategies for balancing work with caregiving. Basically I walked out of the meeting with no strategies, only discouragement. But then I shouldn't have expected anything different. Our society doesn't condone anyone who departs from the work-until-you-die, total company devotion ethic. There is no support for caregivers, not only caregivers of AD patients, but caregivers in general. I take that back. I had one supervisor who was extremely supportive during my father's illness and death. But my latest job has had zero tolerance for anything outside the norm, personal illness or otherwise. Here's the clincher; my supervisor insinuated that if I can't balance my job with caregiving maybe I should think about placement for Mom. I was shocked. Isn't that illegal for her to say? I'm meeting with HR on Wednesday, but I really don't put much stock into that either. So I'm stepping up my job search and praying for some sort of guidance with this. I'd quite my job in a heartbeat if I could afford it, but I can't. Am I wrong to feel resentful and unsupported?

Mom was confused and emotional tonight when I arrived home from work. She calmed down after a few minutes. She didn't know where I was for the last 10.5 hours. Her caregiver had left out some snacks for her to munch on. She told Joyce that she was saving them for me. God, I hate this disease. Oh, and remember all the problems with diarrhea? Now we have the opposite problem thanks to the Tylenol with codeine. I gave Mom some senokot tonight. Hopefully it will help and not cause the other problem. But she is frustrated cuz she can feel something but it won't budge when she tries to go.

Happy New Year everyone!

8 comments:

Annie said...

I'm sorry your supervisor is a, well, I won't say what I'm thinking. No, you're not wrong to feel unsupported. Hope you can get it worked out.

Joanne D. Kiggins said...

You supervisor is a jerk! How unfeeling to interject such a rude remark about placement. You're doing a great job with your mom. Hope you get things worked out.

~Betsy said...

I had a boss say that to me once - he said I should place mom in a state run nursing home. I left that job within 6 months. He was a jerk anyway, but to comment like that was uncalled for and insensitive.

Keep looking for that new job, Robyn. Hang in there.

nancy said...

i too think your supervisor is a total jerk and insensitive. obviously they have never done any caregiving for LO's.

i will pray that you can find a different job more flexible, with an understanding boss and maybe even closer to home.

rilera said...

Thanks for validating my feelings everyone. Sometimes I can't believe the way people are treated on the job here in the US. I still can't believe the comment about placement and am wondering if I imagined it? I've just got to buck up and do the best I can while doing the best possible job that I can do.

She Knits Flying Monkeys said...

I just found your blog. Go to HR. Don't give up. Find mediation if you have to. My dad passed away December 2005. He had Alzheimer's. My Mom was his caregiver because we lived 2 hours away. It's horrendous. I'm saving you in my favorites and will check in on you.

Cinnamin said...

Compassion...Some people are born without compassion!

I can't believe your super even THOUGHT let alone suggested that you place your Mom! What nerve!

Obviously, this person has never had, nor ever thought about what would happen if their parent needed care - FROM THEM!

I hope this situation is not overly stressful to you and that something works out so that you are able to take care of business on both sides (home and work).

You remain in my prayers!

rilera said...

Thanks Everyone, I don't know what I would do without your advice and encouragement.

Cinnamin, it's good to have you 'back'. I hope you are doing as well as can be expected. I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.