It's one thing to hear the words "I just pooped" from your toddler. It's quite another thing to hear it from your 75 year old mother who has memory loss. Cleaning up after such an accident is frustrating and embarrassing for both of us. Mom usually cries; these big, gulping sobs (like Dad used to do when he was sick) and keeps saying she is sorry while I try to soothe her by telling her I love her and that it's OK (all this while I'm trying not to gag or vomit). I feel so bad for her. Dementia SUCKS and I HATE IT! I don't know what the life lesson is in this for either of us (OK, I think this is to teach me responsibility and to help me overcome the fact that I've always been protected, but I don't know what the message is for Mom). Mom has an aversion to all things related to nursing homes and the elderly who are sick with dementia. I don't know why this is, probably something from her childhood. This is why I think it is not a good idea to protect your children from death and dying and the grieving process. It is a fact of life that each of us is going to die and experience the death of a loved one. It's best to start out at a young age I think. I was sheltered from death and dying and sickness. Dealing with Dad's illness and death and then the death of Sammy really was hard but it made me stronger I think. It prepared me for my role as caregiver to Mom. But it's still hard.
I know that eventually change will come. Mom will either end up in a memory care unit or she will pass on. Either situation frightens me. If she ends up in a memory care unit I'm not sure that I will be able to assume all of the expenses for our house on my own. The other, well, I will miss her terribly and will feel alone without her.