Sunday, July 15, 2007

Today Mom asked me "Is there something wrong with me?" and I asked her why she was asking. She said "no one loves me or comes to see me". I said, A, J and M are coming in August, they love you. D and his family love you too, they are just busy. She's asked me this a number of times. I think this time it might have been triggered by her conversation with A this morning. She just forgot that A is coming to visit. It's weird how the brain of someone with dementia works (or doesn't work). She's become very child-like. It's very sad to see. The hardest thing for me is the tearfulness that Mom will have sometimes. Tonight she said something about feeling like it was time for her to die. Hopefully it's just her frustration and fright talking. I think this dementia is progressing rather rapidly for her. I worry a lot about whether my care is good enough for Mom. I know that she wants to live with me, but is that the best thing for her? Especially since I'm gone to work for such a huge part of the day and she is home alone. I've been researching local Memory Care facilities and I wonder if she might have a better quality of life in such a place.

Tomorrow is going to be a hard day. 10 years since Dad died. I miss the other half of the Gruesome Twosome so much. But it would be so hard for him to see Mom the way she is now.

"If you're trying to drive me crazy, thanks but I can walk there."

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