Saturday, February 16, 2008
The doctor has put me on antibiotics and given me an inhaler to use twice a day. The antibiotics are the kind that you take for 5 days but they work for longer. I have had a low-grade fever and still had it yesterday. She heard some crackling in my lungs too. I told her that the wheezing was much better; I no longer sounded like Chewbacca when I breathed out. She laughed. Then she asked how my mom is doing and I lost it. I told her I was on the wait list for 3 facilities and I cried. She gave me a big hug and told me to take care of myself. She knows how difficult the last 3 years have been. When I told my therapist that we had moved Mom to the active list she was only slightly surprised but mostly relieved for me. She too knows how tough this has been for me. This is the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life other than watching my dad succumb to cancer and my sister deal with the pain of her horrible separation. Everyone seems convinced that this is a good decision for both of us. I'm mostly convinced. That doesn't make it any easier though. But now it's in God's hands. I secretly hope that the one with the pool is the facility where Mom ends up. I think she would really enjoy that once she got over the shock and anger and feelings of abandonment. My therapist said after three years of working full time and caring for Mom full time it's time for a break. Looking back (hindsight is 20/20 right?) Mom should have probably moved to assisted living rather than in with me. But it's over and done with and I guess it's good because we've saved that money. Maybe I could move to assisted living too? LOL.