Saturday, February 16, 2008

The doctor has put me on antibiotics and given me an inhaler to use twice a day. The antibiotics are the kind that you take for 5 days but they work for longer. I have had a low-grade fever and still had it yesterday. She heard some crackling in my lungs too. I told her that the wheezing was much better; I no longer sounded like Chewbacca when I breathed out. She laughed. Then she asked how my mom is doing and I lost it. I told her I was on the wait list for 3 facilities and I cried. She gave me a big hug and told me to take care of myself. She knows how difficult the last 3 years have been. When I told my therapist that we had moved Mom to the active list she was only slightly surprised but mostly relieved for me. She too knows how tough this has been for me. This is the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life other than watching my dad succumb to cancer and my sister deal with the pain of her horrible separation. Everyone seems convinced that this is a good decision for both of us. I'm mostly convinced. That doesn't make it any easier though. But now it's in God's hands. I secretly hope that the one with the pool is the facility where Mom ends up. I think she would really enjoy that once she got over the shock and anger and feelings of abandonment. My therapist said after three years of working full time and caring for Mom full time it's time for a break. Looking back (hindsight is 20/20 right?) Mom should have probably moved to assisted living rather than in with me. But it's over and done with and I guess it's good because we've saved that money. Maybe I could move to assisted living too? LOL.

7 comments:

Joanne D. Kiggins said...

Robyn, I'm glad you went to the doctor and got something to knock this out of you. Hope it works quickly and you start feeling better real soon.

Sounds like you're dealing better with putting your mom on the list for a facility. You've gone further than me in that respect. I still haven't made the phone calls to check places out. One with a pool sounds great. Good luck with all of this, Robyn. ((HUGS))

~Betsy said...

For what it's worth, I think you are making a good decision. I know you are constantly worried about your mom. It can't be good for you to feel this overwhelming responsibility. If you had family right around the corner who could step in from time to time, it might be different. But with everyone so far away, a phone call just doesn't cut it.

If my mom would have lived longer, I may very well be in the same situation as you find yourself now. It's OK, Robyn - you've done such a fine job. And it's quite possible your mom may really enjoy the social interaction once she settles in. Don't be so hard on yourself.

I remember falling apart in front of my doctor, too. Really - it's all going to be OK. ((hugs))

cornbread hell said...

i can't tell you how many times i've wished to be able to afford having my own room at my mom's place.

i don't envy you, but i do believe you're on the right track and i admire you.

Annie said...

After three years, you probably need assisted living! Just to recover, mind you.

flintysooner said...

You do what you have to do and you don't look back. You trust your own senses and judgment. I trust your decisions for certain.

rilera said...

Thanks for everyone's comments.

nancy said...

i ditto everyone's comment. it's not like your mom just moved in with you and you are making this decision. it has been 3 years of coming up with this decision. i know this is a very painful and heartfelt decision. i as well support you in whatever you decide. blessings my friend.