Wednesday, February 13, 2008

I'm very scared about change, especially where Mom and I are concerned. I know I'm starting to lose it but I don't want to face the inevitable. My family is so important to me. Once I lose Mom I'm afraid that I will be lost. I love her so much. I can't imagine my life without her. It was hard enough to lose my dad, he and I were very close. Mom has been my best friend for so long. It hurts not being able to share everything with her, ask her for advice and just do what mothers and daughters do together. It is so hard watching this awful disease steal our mother away. This house is going to be lonely when she moves out. I need my sister and brother.

I still have my cold and cough. I felt awful this morning and stayed home. They must think I'm a total slacker at work. I have a doctor's appointment on Friday. It's hard to fall asleep at night with the wheezing.


Annie said...

Robyn, do any of the memory care facilities do respite weeks? Maybe you could try that, it would give you a chance to rest and kick your cold. I faced the same thing last March. I never had asthma before, but I went to the doctor barely able to breathe, my blood oxygen was low, and she immediately put me on complete bed rest for a week. Mom had to go to the nursing home for that week. It might be something to consider?
Hugs heading your way.

Joanne D. Kiggins said...

Robyn, I can hear the anguish in your post. I know exactly how you feel about not having the mother-daughter talks. That's just a small part of what I miss so much about Mom having this awful disease. I've checked into a few places that do respite care. They said they don't limit the time, so maybe you could find something like that as Annie suggested. One place here even has a wing that is respite--but most of the people are there long term. I certainly understand it being difficult to make a change. I'm having the same problem. We'll get through this. WE WILL!!! :D Hang in there and know that I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

nancy said...

i wish i could offer you the perfect solution but we know different. annie and joanne had great thoughts. i'm thinking of you - hope you feel better soon!

~Betsy said...

I can also hear the stress in your "voice", Robyn. This responsibility....this pain....this anguish over what is right and what is's terrible. When I found myself in the same position, I wanted to turn to my mom for advice, but the reality of where she was in her disease snapped me back to Earth. And then it was just me again. I wish I could do something to help you.

Please know I am here for you and you remain in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong and follow your heart - it will never lead you down the wrong path.

rilera said...

That's the hard part, Betsy. I too wish I had my mom to turn to about this. I'm lucky to have my sister and my therapist though. And of course, all of you have selflessly chosen to hang around and listen to me and support me. I'm am so grateful for all of you.

cornbread hell said...

i'm so grateful to have my sisters. i haven't been able to be with mom much recently and i miss her terribly. they took me to visit her today and we (mom and i) both teared up and held tears back.

long story short - thank god for my family.

glad to hear you're feeling a little better. hang in there, robyn.